reel/hornpipe, take 2

had a sprained foot that set me back for a little less than 2 weeks. feels better, could always get stronger.

18 registered so far in my comp.

I can feel afraid but I can't show it. I need that fire inside me that I felt spark in Kansas City to grow--not just in competition but in practice too. my body wants to give up so quickly when I feel nothing's at stake.

practice every time like it's London or Montréal or whenever I get there.

I don't want to dance in DC without giving a fair fight. I'm not dedicating all this time, effort and money just to not recall. I need to get more serious and train even when I don't feel like it.

it's time.



remember the pain of losing in New Orleans? don't let it happen again. not without a bigger fight this time.

onward

I was very pleased with Kansas city. I still didn't place, but I got 4th for my soft shoe round so I'm thrilled. I gave my soft shoe my all and powered through the hornpipe even though I made some mistakes in my first step, got thrown off in my 2nd--I came back fighting during my 1/2 step. definitely have done better with my first two steps in class but probably the most aggressive I've been in competition.

now it's time to drill and gain more power in both my rounds.

finished choreographing the step for the orange rogue, now I have bits and pieces of the set in my head. it's ambitious. not crazy hard but it'll push me at my current level...I'm just afraid I'll get burnt out or frustrated before Houston and then will be left with no set. at least nothing I'm totally in love with.

I need to believe I can do it.

it's starting to feel VERY real

I'm starting to get a little anxious...but I just have to practice, practice, practice.

 

remind myself that...

and walk on to that stage like a champ.

KC, MO take 3

as an older dancer, I have to remember that my days are numbered.
I don't mean that in a negative way either. I just have to dance every competition like it's my last.

I've started asking myself, "would I be satisified with my performace if that had been my last chance to dance?" so far, the answer's always been 'no'.

I hold back. my nerves get the best of me. the movement isn't natural enough yet or aggressive enough or not practiced enough to just flow out of me.

I just have to get used to the repetition of it even if it drives me crazy.

I also have to get it out of my head that I'm only a strong soft shoe dancer. hard shoe is totally my thing because I can MAKE it my thing. I just need to put my heart in to it and not hold back. if I fall, I have to get right back in there.

KC feis, I'm fer ya. and I'm dancing this prelim like it's my last.

SRO 2013

this is the level I need to rise to for december. the feises are good to develop my stage presence and getting my steps out there and nailing them even when I get nervous but I'm not going to focus on placing though. the focus is going to be on quality and putting more work in where I'm weak--the placements will follow.

 it's not about the local comps. it's all about December. this is my real competition. I can't forget that. I have to believe I can do this.

kansas city 2013

I'm forecasting my summary for my experience at KC:

 

Austin has given me nothing but motivation.
I'm going to work smarter, build strength, and work on as much detail in my steps as possible.

KC, I'm comin' fer ya

tired after running through one reel step--

PROOF:
that,

a) I'm putting more energy in my steps and am trying to go all-out

and,

b) my stamina sucks

can I fix this please, before next Saturday?

fight to win. fight to finish

inspiration from a documentary I watched about fighters--

"the expectations of our gym are not, 'win every fight.' you don't have to win every fight. but you do have to TRAIN for every fight."

"you need to have some respect. you need to understand that while whatever it was that you needed to be doing in your time, we've been here working. so, don't be mad at me or frustrated with me cause you're getting destroyed. YOU found other things to do with your time than come to practice"

"to be a champ it's a 40-hr a week commitment. it's a daily grind."

feeling down? just look at this dog

nailing the tech down is important--but!

 remember that you love to dance too. 

i can't get so overwhelmed with getting all the details down that i get to feeling defeated.

austin seems like it's right around the corner.

i have to remember it's a journey

I'll get there.

nerd dreams

well, I'm officially signed up for the feis in june. so far, I have 9 in my competition. so that's happening.

every time I think about being on stage I get this crazy nervous feeling. I think it's mainly because I feel so unprepared. that, I can change.

in other news, last night was the night of nerd dreams.

a) champ class was being held at worlds and we were running through hornpipe on the big stage. I just remember messing up on my first step but I kept going and repeating the right foot until I got it right and then moved on to the left. it was kind of a confidence boost in an odd way--telling me not to worry about messing up in front of everyone but to keep on going, regardless.

b) my great-grandmother had this huge farmhouse in my dream, with all wood floors. my g'ma was letting me & jason rent it out for ridiculously cheap and I had a big huge room as a dance studio.

AND C) I was at awards for my champ comp and they were calling up all the placements until 2nd place and my name didn't get called so I was pretty sure I got dead last at that point. then they announced my name as the unthinkable first. my knees were all shaky and I felt like I was going to slip right off the podium stepping up to the top.

it was all weirdly encouraging and vivid.

 
can you tell what I went to sleep thinking about?

believe

there's a booming voice inside me that keeps saying "I can't" and a tinier voice saying "I can".
you're too old. it's too late. you have the wrong feet, the wrong legs. you'll never be strong enough, have the tech down, nail the tricks, have enough stamina, be flexible enough.

I think it's the fact that the more effort I have to put into it, the more I'd have potential to lose--the more devastating the defeat. if I only give 50%, my expectation is so much lower.

I'm looking at everything negatively though. the more I put in, I will only gain more experience and be more fit and ready for whatever I decide to do. why I am I so set on losing to begin with? give everything you have and leave it up to the judges. you never know.

start slow. review the basics. take steps piece by piece. you can do this.

I can.

london

london.  

2014. 

8-hand. 

it's happening. 

now to work my butt off to try and qualify in solos. just be on that stage to dance for myself and for my school would be amazing. for solos and teams.

 

let's make it happen. one day at a time. 

streeeetch

starting doing a stretch routine of 20/30 minutes in the morning and then the same at night to push my left leg higher up to match my right and get more flexible in general. I woke up at 6 today to start my habit of doing the routine during my work week...it's gonna be tough in the mornings but once I get up 'n at 'em it's not too painful. just need to keep at it.

a breath of fresh air

t: "maybe it's time to try something different" 

 y: "that's no way to get to worlds"

I can't believe I felt so much like giving up last week. my joints were feelin' it pretty bad and I felt like what I had been working on form-wise was thrown completely back into reverse.

I need to work on being less hard on myself. period.
doesn't mean I have to be any less aggressive in my pursuits, just more adaptable.

joints feel terrible? work on flexibility. do heel raises or abs, something that won't cause a lot of impact. it's just not the time to work on leaps.

you will become stronger, more flexible, more confident this year. it's going to happen.

you know a step is good when...

...you first learned it about a year ago and you're still working on perfecting it.

been tweaking my reel and re-working the lead. 3rd step just needs repetition. it's out of my league right now but I won't get there unless I set the bar that high.

after I get it down though, I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling a mixture of this:

 plus, this:

ooh yeah!

update

reel: choreographed! 

hornpipe: learned! 

solo dress: designed!!

 

excited for the austin feis in june. 

current goal: place in prelims

battle plan for 2013

I'm going with what I know.

I just learned the 1st step of our school's champ hornpipe and I already have learned the 2nd and 1/2 step in the past. so that'll be my hornpipe. nothing added or changed, just work on perfecting and getting everything down technique/presentation-wise. my back rallies need lots of work and overall power for sure.

the reel--I might change some of the elements in the lead but I'm just going to do the school's 3 steps and only make minor changes, like switching out jumps.

the first two rounds have got to be a whooole lot stronger. I can't rely on one or the other; they both have to pack a punch.

it's driving me nuts that I can't focus fully on dance right now because of some upcoming testing I have to pass for work. after january 18th, it's go time!